For me, it's either a yes or no. If I go in between then something is wrong. It's not the real me. I'm assuming a false self: either a grand self or infantile self.
I decided to write this down not for the reason that this is part of my being depressed, but for my friends to understand me better. Don't take it against you if I do not talk to you, I simply have something important in mind. And if you really are a friend, you'd know what to do.
1. Either I'm with you or not. When I DO NOT AGREE to what you say or DO NOT DO what you want, it simply means I DO NOT TRUST YOU.
2. I either READ or NOT. No offense to the author. What I read depends on my mood and my needs. My ex once gave me a book titled the The Road Less Traveled. I didn't read it-I skimmed through it, then gave it back when we broke up. Now, that I find myself searching for the real me, I found myself reading and wanting to read more books on the same topic. I love to read but I DO NOT FORCE myself to read what I do not like, even if it's a requirement for school or work.
3. I either eat or not. When I WANT to eat, I EAT. I'm a connoisseur of good food. When I'm DEPRESSED, I DO NOT EAT. I can maintain a 28 waist line for a year then loose 5 inches the next month, and maintain it for four months tops-with the help of my trusty companions ANTACID, SODA CRACKERS and OMEPRON!
4. Am either concerned about my health or simply DO NOT CARE. I usually monitor my sugar, calcium and salt intake because my family do not have moolah to bequest, only diabetes and kidney problems. When I think my LIFE has NO MEANING, I simply do not care what I eat and drink.
5. I either talk or just SHUT UP. I DO NOT care for SMALL TALK- I hate talking about the weather. When I have something to say, I say it and discuss at length- if needed. I can talk endlessly about life to the person I find, I can talk to about anything and nothing. Isn't nothing NOTHING? Whatever! It's nothing when you're in love!
6. I'm either IN-CHARGE or NOT. When I lived at home and my mom had to take a trip, I was in charge of the house-budget, cooking, laundry, everything! But when she comes back, I don't bother stepping into the kitchen or knowing what's for dinner-I do not eat at home. I do not like telling other people how to run their own homes, that why IM IN-CHARGE of MY own place.
7. You are either my FRIEND or NOT. I keep a few friends but they know me well. I care and love them deeply. When you do not know me well, and I decide to call/see you out of the blue, that's just me taking a rain check-I'M FLIRTING! I'm depressed and lonely.
I decided to write this down not for the reason that this is part of my being depressed, but for my friends to understand me better. Don't take it against you if I do not talk to you, I simply have something important in mind. And if you really are a friend, you'd know what to do.
1. Either I'm with you or not. When I DO NOT AGREE to what you say or DO NOT DO what you want, it simply means I DO NOT TRUST YOU.
2. I either READ or NOT. No offense to the author. What I read depends on my mood and my needs. My ex once gave me a book titled the The Road Less Traveled. I didn't read it-I skimmed through it, then gave it back when we broke up. Now, that I find myself searching for the real me, I found myself reading and wanting to read more books on the same topic. I love to read but I DO NOT FORCE myself to read what I do not like, even if it's a requirement for school or work.
3. I either eat or not. When I WANT to eat, I EAT. I'm a connoisseur of good food. When I'm DEPRESSED, I DO NOT EAT. I can maintain a 28 waist line for a year then loose 5 inches the next month, and maintain it for four months tops-with the help of my trusty companions ANTACID, SODA CRACKERS and OMEPRON!
4. Am either concerned about my health or simply DO NOT CARE. I usually monitor my sugar, calcium and salt intake because my family do not have moolah to bequest, only diabetes and kidney problems. When I think my LIFE has NO MEANING, I simply do not care what I eat and drink.
5. I either talk or just SHUT UP. I DO NOT care for SMALL TALK- I hate talking about the weather. When I have something to say, I say it and discuss at length- if needed. I can talk endlessly about life to the person I find, I can talk to about anything and nothing. Isn't nothing NOTHING? Whatever! It's nothing when you're in love!
6. I'm either IN-CHARGE or NOT. When I lived at home and my mom had to take a trip, I was in charge of the house-budget, cooking, laundry, everything! But when she comes back, I don't bother stepping into the kitchen or knowing what's for dinner-I do not eat at home. I do not like telling other people how to run their own homes, that why IM IN-CHARGE of MY own place.
7. You are either my FRIEND or NOT. I keep a few friends but they know me well. I care and love them deeply. When you do not know me well, and I decide to call/see you out of the blue, that's just me taking a rain check-I'M FLIRTING! I'm depressed and lonely.
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