It was still dark when I went out of the house. I had set my alarm for four thirty, so it must still be a few minutes before five. I zipped my wind breaker just a little as a breeze passed me. The temperature is cool. It has only been a week since it stopped raining since the holidays, though I know it's only a matter of weeks until it settles into a more comfortable, warmer weather.
I made my way out of the subdivision. When I reached the highway, I stopped. I waited a minute. Only one car went by, so I decided to walk on the asphalt road rather than on the shoulder of it. It was easier to walk on it, that I didn't have to balance my body and didn't have to always look down trying to watch my step. Plus my shoes wouldn't get wet from the dew on the grass.
I said a small prayer asking for protection as I started on. The highway always gave me the creeps although I haven't had a bad experience yet since I started making it a habit walking to the park in the mornings. About fifteen years ago, this road was not usually used and there were no houses yet for about another kilometer from our subdivision. It used to be a dumping site for dead bodies. The bodies would not be found until it smelled so bad it bothered the motorists they had to check it out. I shiver at the thought of it now. But nothing has happened to me yet. I often meet farmers dressed in skimpy shorts with bare bolos stringed to their sides. Even if their look scares me and gives me a feeling as if I were on the movie "The Ripper", I just lower my head and be on the look out if anything happens. In case they decide to stab me!
The road was lined with Gemelina trees, the wind softly blowing the leaves, creating a mystical musical sound. The leaves are shaped like a spade yet with two or four more points at either side. The trunk is often used by the electric company as posts since they grow so stall and straight when planted at a near distance from each other.
It always makes me frown however, when I see Gemelina trees along the highway, it wasn't the best idea planting these trees here. They were planted near the road and at a distance fom each other that alllowed it to grow big trunks and branches. Yes, it provides a good shade for those waiting for their rides or for people who liked to walk when the sun was up. But during typhoons, they usually cause a lot of trouble. They do grow big but their roots doesn't seem to grow deep as big trees should, causing the tree to be uprooted, sometimes taking the electric wires with them.
I walked further on and was now near the gate of the regional police camp. In front of it, accross the road, was a new subdivision made for the police officers working at the camp. There was always a guard on duty at the gate of the camp and it made me feel safe that someone would see me for a few meters more before I reach the bend of the road, just in case anything happens. I am usually with my sister during my walks, but she isn't here, and I desperately needed to walk and see the sunrise. It helps keep the depression to a level I can handle.
After twenty minutes, I reached the crossroads, crossed the street, getting off the highway. One kilometer more and I would be at the park. I noticed, it wasn't as dark as it was when I left the house and decided to walk faster. I jogged a little but then stopped. My body wasn't used to exerting this amount of energy and I didn't want to get a cramp. I just walked a little faster. I did not want to miss the sunrise.
After fifteen minutes more, I was at the park. This park has been around for more than 50 years. It is supposed to be a memorial of the Americans, Gen. Douglas McArthur mainly when they came to drive the Japanese away. During the time of the Pearl Harbor bombing. There were even monuments made up at the highest part of the park.
There were bicycles parked on the street. The owners sitting on the benches talking to each other. There were no tourists yet. I could never understand why these people wanted to see the park itself and not what was behind it, it was more beautiful at the back of the park. I made my way up the stairs, passing by the monuments, then back down again. I could now see the horizon and the sea, a little gray since there was barely any light yet. This part of the park can't be seen from the street, you'd have to go up and then down the stairs.
I made my way further to where the benches were, near the cement damn. I looked at the horizon and I could feel the breeze rushing past me. I hugged myself trying to keep warm, it will be warmer any minute now. I went about my ritual in sitting down. The benches were made of cement and it was always wet from the morning dew. I put my feet up and started to kneel on the bench, trying to dry it with my pants, then finally sitting down, crossing my ankles.
I took a deep breath. This was a peaceful place, I didn't mind walking two kilometers just to be here. I gazed at the sea, there were no waves yet, the calm water adding more serenity to the place. I looked around, there were two guys down the stairs, on the beach to my left. They were regulars doing their exercise, I used to see them during the summer as well. By what they were wearing, I could tell they lived near by. I felt a little envious that they didn't have to walk far. I was still catching my breath till now.
My gaze went back to the water and to the horizon. The sun was starting to rise now. I took a deep breath and concentrated on what was about to happen. The sky slowly turned red and orange and yellow as if I was on my way to the gates of heaven itself. The ocean was turning a little orange too, as the shifting of colors reflected on it, water rippling and sparkling with the changing light, the vision wonderful, almost like going up to heaven. I've never been to heaven, so I just envision it would be this wonderful. Nothing could be this wonderful but heaven itself.
I closed my eyes to meditate. I imagined I could hear Yanni's Reflection together with the soft sound of the waves hitting the concrete. Then I started to pray, God it is so beautiful here. This is the kind of nirvana I felt when I was with him, why would you take him away from me? What am I not seeing? What am I not hearing? I could feel my tears running down my cheeks. Could feel the cold wind drying them. I could not describe the intensity of what I was feeling, love, anger, sadness, hope and fear, all whirling together. How I wish I could bring time back and take all the sadness away, yet I have a feeling that if I do, all the happiness would be gone as well. So I just accept the memories, only that I keep them inside. I was getting good at denial. I only bring them out when I am faced with something as beautiful as the sunrise. To help me ease the pain of it all.
I prayed a bit more, and was feeling so lost, my prayer intensified, and I must have said out loud "What am I not hearing?". I suddenly heard a voice saying "You must be trying too hard to listen." My eyes instantly flew open. I looked to my right because that was where I heard the voice coming from. I saw the guy earlier doing his exercise on the sand, he was standing in between the bench I was sitting on and the next bench which was no more that two meters away. He was standing a little farther back so I was able to see his face clearly. His eyes were closed, he had this peaceful look in his face, he was almost smiling , his thick brows were relaxed, not like mine when I close my eyes. The look in his face stopped me from asking if he had said anything, maybe later when he was done closing his eyes. I looked around more, there was no one else nearby who could have said those words. I looked at him a few minutes more, watching the breeze blow his hair. It was a little long, almost up to his ears. I waited.
I envied the look in his face so i decided to gaze back at the rising sun.
It had turned different shades of yellow, each paler than the last. I closed my eyes again, continued my prayer. I don't know how many minutes have passed. It must have been a while, because I could now feel the sun's hot rays on my face. I must have gone into a deep level of meditation, almost like falling asleep. When I opened my eyes and looked around, the guy wasn't there anymore. I got up and made my way up the stairs, looking around for the guy. If he lived just nearby, he wouldn't be on the path I am now, he would have walked on the beach and exited through the two nearby beach resorts. So I looked down on the beach, he wasn't there. Was it really him who said those words?
I made my way down the park disappointed. I walked back to where I came in. I noticed, there were tourists now, having their pictures taken with the monuments.
I crossed the road and started to walk the two kilometers back home. I couldn't help think about what happened. Had I imagined that voice? It was said with an accent that you only get by living in the US. So I guess it was not the voice of God or an angel. God just doesn't drop down any minute he wants to like in the Old Testament days. It must have been that guy. Could he be the angel I had been fervently praying for these past few days?
I thought about it more as I reached the highway, slowly remembering every detail of it, every minute. Now that I thought about it this way, it left me laughing so hard I had to hug my stomach. It was a good thing I hadn't run away when I heard that voice! I could only imagine the look on that guys face. Openning his eyes to a lady running away with a scared look in her face. It was like a scene from a cartoon movie, when the character would pray and a voice would suddenly answer him. Or a scene from a scary movie!
I just brushed the thought away as I walked further home. I had a lot of other problems to think about. I had no time to think if that was a voice of an angel or just from a guy who couldn't mind his own business. I'd investigate on it more next time.
