I have a lot on my mind lately and I can't seem to give each thought enough attention[All I want to do is sleep, which is what I've been doing the last 3 days]. Maybe its because I'm worried that a little one is on its way or better yet, all my thoughts are related to it. I'm a bit angry and rebellious right now but I can't pin point at what or to whom. I want to quit my job, that's one thing I'm sure of; though I don't know how its related to what's been bugging me since I got back from Manila. If I do quit my job, will I miss accounting stuff? I'm not actually quitting on accounting coz I write financial news/reviews on the US stock market once a week. I think what I'm actually going to miss are the routinary processes that I do each month to balance the books.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't started writing and sometimes I wish I started writing as early as highschool like Lem. But there is one thing I'm thankful about since I started writing. I'm not worried about money anymore like I used to since I started working at the accouting/finance department. As my aunt puts it, I may not always have the cash but I sure do know where to get it. However, I had made a promise to myself that I'll never make money a reason to write an article.
This thing that's been bugging me about a little one being on the way... Part of me wants it to be true and part of me doesn't. I know its not about money or being financially stable to take care of the needs of having a little angel. I think its about being free; what and when to do things. [How many times have I said "I think"?...My thoughts are all a mess right now!] Lem suggested I get checked so I know for sure; don't have the guts to do so. I think part of me will be disappointed if it isn't true and I'm not ready for that disappointment.
Lem did ask me if I was sure about him. I don't want to answer, I don't need to. Right now I'm pissed off and I don't want to talk. I feel as if I opened my feelings/emotions too much too soon. I hope I don't fall as far as I did the last time[There is one thing I am sure of and it is this: Whatever I did or do, I know I don't deserve to be betrayed like the last time]. And as Lem says, I hope he is turning a new leaf.
I'm such a mess right now...and I hate it. [I know I'm going to face a much needed talking to about this post-both from him and the gals, but I don't care; this is my blog and I set this up for such yakking]
Sometimes I wish I hadn't started writing and sometimes I wish I started writing as early as highschool like Lem. But there is one thing I'm thankful about since I started writing. I'm not worried about money anymore like I used to since I started working at the accouting/finance department. As my aunt puts it, I may not always have the cash but I sure do know where to get it. However, I had made a promise to myself that I'll never make money a reason to write an article.
This thing that's been bugging me about a little one being on the way... Part of me wants it to be true and part of me doesn't. I know its not about money or being financially stable to take care of the needs of having a little angel. I think its about being free; what and when to do things. [How many times have I said "I think"?...My thoughts are all a mess right now!] Lem suggested I get checked so I know for sure; don't have the guts to do so. I think part of me will be disappointed if it isn't true and I'm not ready for that disappointment.
Lem did ask me if I was sure about him. I don't want to answer, I don't need to. Right now I'm pissed off and I don't want to talk. I feel as if I opened my feelings/emotions too much too soon. I hope I don't fall as far as I did the last time[There is one thing I am sure of and it is this: Whatever I did or do, I know I don't deserve to be betrayed like the last time]. And as Lem says, I hope he is turning a new leaf.
I'm such a mess right now...and I hate it. [I know I'm going to face a much needed talking to about this post-both from him and the gals, but I don't care; this is my blog and I set this up for such yakking]
No comments:
Post a Comment