Directionless Yakking

I have a lot on my mind lately and I can't seem to give each thought enough attention[All I want to do is sleep, which is what I've been doing the last 3 days]. Maybe its because I'm worried that a little one is on its way or better yet, all my thoughts are related to it. I'm a bit angry and rebellious right now but I can't pin point at what or to whom. I want to quit my job, that's one thing I'm sure of; though I don't know how its related to what's been bugging me since I got back from Manila. If I do quit my job, will I miss accounting stuff? I'm not actually quitting on accounting coz I write financial news/reviews on the US stock market once a week. I think what I'm actually going to miss are the routinary processes that I do each month to balance the books.

Sometimes I wish I hadn't started writing and sometimes I wish I started writing as early as highschool like Lem. But there is one thing I'm thankful about since I started writing. I'm not worried about money anymore like I used to since I started working at the accouting/finance department. As my aunt puts it, I may not always have the cash but I sure do know where to get it. However, I had made a promise to myself that I'll never make money a reason to write an article.

This thing that's been bugging me about a little one being on the way... Part of me wants it to be true and part of me doesn't. I know its not about money or being financially stable to take care of the needs of having a little angel. I think its about being free; what and when to do things. [How many times have I said "I think"?...My thoughts are all a mess right now!] Lem suggested I get checked so I know for sure; don't have the guts to do so. I think part of me will be disappointed if it isn't true and I'm not ready for that disappointment.

Lem did ask me if I was sure about him. I don't want to answer, I don't need to. Right now I'm pissed off and I don't want to talk. I feel as if I opened my feelings/emotions too much too soon. I hope I don't fall as far as I did the last time[There is one thing I am sure of and it is this: Whatever I did or do, I know I don't deserve to be betrayed like the last time]. And as Lem says, I hope he is turning a new leaf.

I'm such a mess right now...and I hate it. [I know I'm going to face a much needed talking to about this post-both from him and the gals, but I don't care; this is my blog and I set this up for such yakking]

More Photos

Can't seem to get enough photos to post. Hehehe

This one was taken by my mom at Kenny's. [Bare of all make-up essentials]
My new laptop's on the photo too. Ern wanted to open it so it would get included on the photo but its too much bragging for me already. Hehehe. This is enough-> It's the HP Pavillon Entertainment series.

Ern's Photos

The sun sets on Manila. Taken from the International Airport

Taken a few minutes later

Me in need of a chair and a back massage!

Me and my mom. Caught off guard?
Taken at Kenny Rogers, MOA

Caption These

Taken at Greenbelt 3, in front of Havana. Together at last?
Another pose? Maybe not.
Got a new digicam- Olympus u760 All Weather. Didn't know which setting works best at night so I tried them all. Can't remember which setting this one was taken on. The lights got messy but we decided to keep the pic anyway. Aura daw niya e.

Miss My Old [City] Life

Living in the south has its pros and cons but what I really love about staying here is the accessible beach and the quaint atmosphere of our neighborhood. Sometimes though, the peacefulness of the place gets on my nerves. Its a good thing I can easily pack up my bags and head for Cebu where I get a doze of my college city life.

After I graduated from college I vowed never to have a hectic always on the go life. I juggled a job, a scholarship and my studies back then. My day started at 5 am and ended at 2 or 3 am the next day. But now that I've had a doze of slack sit back type of life, I realize I didn't want this after all. My latest trip to Cebu made me realize it more.

My friend got married and I was there for 5 days. I shopped non-stop and was out every night till 4 am. Just after my friend's wedding for instance, we (less the one who got married) headed for SM's North Wing to do a little shopping. [I already shopped the previous day for a dress and a two piece swim suit]. Can't remember the last time I had fun shopping. We tried on at least a dozen outfits and we'd take pictures in the fitting room. We got weird and angry looks from the sales ladies but they kept mum about it. Our looks showed we had the moolah to buy the things we tried on. [ Okay, I may be bragging a bit here but we actually had the moolah! wahahaha! I can be mean sometimes] Anyway, we headed for harbor city to eat. Then, we hit the grocery to buy junk food and the ingredients for our low-cal cocktails. We were going night swimming after.

We've changed much since college. I guess this is what happens when we earn our own money. We don't ride the jeepney anymore; we took the cab. By 9 pm we were on a cab on the way to Tubod-one of our favorite hang outs when we were in college. It was a resort located south of Cebu, about 2 towns from the City. When we arrived we immediately changed into our swim suits and took pictures. Good thing the guys weren't with us [its was a pure girl's night out] coz we spent a full hour taking pictures.

We noticed the resort had changed the lights. The last time we were there, the lights were hydrogen bulbs which automatically turned off when it was too hot. It was an advantage for gals who had their bfs with them. But not for me though, he rarely went to visit me in Cebu. Anyway, we lost track of time and by the time any of us noticed, it was 2 am! It was scary to be out at that time in that part of Cebu. It took us a scary [heart-pounding] jeepney ride to the next town where there was plenty of taxi. Some drunk snatcher looking guy was beside me and I spent the entire time waiting for him to say "hold up!". Good thing it did't happen. We had the taxi wait when we got to Mynet's place. The meter was at 300 when we got off the taxi so we hurriedly hanged our dripping wet swim suits.

As if the brandy we drank at Tubod wasn't enough, we had 3 or 4 bottles of Red Horse at the bar we went to. The lead guitarist was cute; he gave me the look when we got in. But he looked like he was about to fall on his feet himself so I ignored him. Mynet nudged my elbow though giving me the look that reminded me we were on a girl's night out and that I should have some fun. Anyway, enough about the boy thing coz nothing really happened. We were "bitin" on the drinks coz the bar closed an hour after we got in. So we scouted the area for another bar, this time we were looking for a karaoke bar. We did pass by a disco bar [we were in uptown and it was "bar capital"] but I was already tipsy so I suggested we looked for a karaoke bar as planned. Unfortunately, we didn't find one so we took a cab back to Mynet's place. We all squeezed into her bed; I dunno how we fit on the bed but we did. I was too drunk to notice. All I know was that my feet were dangling on the bed's headboard. lol!

I've been planning to move back to Cebu, he approves of it and maybe we'd spend a couple of months there before finally moving to Manila. Hope things work this time, I'm really looking forward to getting my old life back and being with him for good.

The Dream: My Wedding

I suddenly appeared out of nowhere and the first thing I felt was the rush of cold wind that brushed against my face and slim frame. I shivered and I tried to hug myslef but i couldn't. I was holding a bouquet of tulips. Then I looked down; I was wearing a plain white flowing dress. Why will I be out at this hour dressed like this? Still disoriented, I looked around. The first person I saw was him, standing beside another man whom I did not know. He had same air of authority about him. Then I saw my friends and my family; that's when I guessed what was happening. As if on cue, my heart started pounding as fast and loudly as it could.

It was still dark but I knew this place too well. In a matter of minutes the sun would be up and so will the beautiful colors that comes with it. I always fall in love with the sunrise everytime I see it. And I know I would never have wanted my wedding to be in another setting. The love of my life plus the sunrise! Feel's like heaven in all its glorious state came down to witness this special moment.

I was getting weird and impatient looks from everyone so I started to walk forward. I noticed I didn't have any shoes on and that made me smile. I've always debated on whether I will wear shoes to my beach wedding; I could only guess it wasn't my decision. I know he decided for me...Just as I reached him, the sun was peaking from its 12 hour slumber. Shades of orange and red can already be seen. For a minute, I just stood there waiting for more beautiful colors. Then he nudged my hand and motioned for me to approach the minister. I remember the man now, he was there on my confirmation.

Then just as I was about to look up at him...I woke up.

Missing Me

Here's a photo of me and two of my best friends. This was taken at Harbor's, one of our favorite hang outs coz it serves dimsum-need I say its one of our favorite food?

While we were eating, we couldn't help reminisce our college days and our love for dimsum-siomai and steamed rice. We'd cut classes just to eat dimsum!

Then our convo turned to spicy things about college days. We had to cover our ears and hug our bellies, trying hard not to hear the embarrassing details at the 'white house' and not to laugh to much. Miss my friends :(

And before I forget, I was in Cebu to attend Lem's wedding. Here's our cutsy photo.

The wedding was 'intimate', only family and close friends were present. Not the typical Filipino kasal ng bayan when even the bride and groom do not know their guests.

I'd like my wedding to be the same. Just family and friends.

I've always frowned at people crying during weddings, but I almost felt like crying when my friend walked down the aisle.